No Funny Business
by Zeldere
Summary: Aomine x Kagami, M for explicit yaoi content in later chapters. Kagami has existential crisis about his lack of a girlfriend, when Kuroko invites him to his birthday party. Kagami drinks a little bit too much and his sexual confusion runs amok. Cameos from other KNB characters pairings such as Akamido. Also implied Kuroko x Kagami for those who wish to see it.
1. Chapter 1

**_Author's note:_**_ Although it may not seem like an Aomine x Kagami fic at first, trust me that's the pairing I'm writing about. The only reason it seems slightly Kuroko x Kagami in the opening chapters is because that's genuinely how I feel they interact in the anime and the manga. Or maybe it's my perverse imagination. Whatever, here's the story:_

* * *

_Invitation_

Late January in Tokyo. Middle of the winter semester. The winter basketball season was over, and the training for the Interhigh wouldn't start for months. Kagami Taiga, who was walking down the street, the collar of his duffel jacket turned upwards, hands stuffed deep into its pockets, felt like he was in purgatory.

The weather was _shit_, so practicing outside wasn't an option. Moreover, everyone at Seirin was studying for the upcoming exams in February - so Basketball practice had been put on hold.

Today, showing her true colours, Riko, upon finding him in the gym after hours, had banned Kagami from the court until the end of winter layer tests.

['…_how are you gonna pass your exams if you spend EVERY WAKING MOMENT in the gym? Do you KNOW what happens if you don't get good grades? NO MORE BASKETBALL. YOU DON'T GET TO PLAY IN THE INTERHIGH. I swear to God Bakagami, if I find you practising in here ONCE before the end of Februrary I WILL CUT OFF YOUR LEGS AND FEED THEM TO NUMBER 2.']_

_Since when did it get so fucking cold_, thought Kagami as a chill gust of wind blew through his sweatpants, causing the thin hairs on his legs to prickle. Power-walking across the pedestrian crossing outside the Burger shop, Kagami brought a tattered sneaker down on a patch of black ice. His foot slid on the smooth ground and, failing to regain his balance, Kagami almost stumbled into the path of a passing Honda Civic.

The car skidded to a halt and honked churlishly at Kagami, attracting the attention of a group of young girls who were also crossing the street.

Light pink dusted over Kagami's cheeks, and his eyebrows furrowed as he opened his mouth to insult the driver. Before he could say anything, the car accelerated past him, spraying him with half-melted snow. The girls began to giggle.

Kagami growled in embarrassment. _Fuck's sake,_ he thought to himself, pushing open the door to the restaurant. A warm blast of air hit him full on. With it came the the rich, floury smell of fries and waxed cardboard. His stomach growled wildly. Kagami hadn't realised how long it had been since he'd eaten - he was starving. _And you haven't even played basketball today, you fat shit_, he smiled to himself.

Kagami stomped toward the food collection point, and looked down at the cashier.

"Konbanwa!" She said, enthusiastically, "how can I help you today, sir?" flashing him a large, toothy smile.

Kagami studied her vacantly. The girl was short, _even shorter than Kuroko_, he thought bemusedly, but well-built, like a gymnast. Her hair was medium-length, straightened, and coloured that gingery shade of brown which was popular at school, it was darker at the roots. She had wide, green eyes and wore large spectacles which framed her face. _Bug-eyed_, he thought nonchalantly.

It wasn't that she wasn't attractive. In fact, Kagami thought that she was quite cute (despite her bug-eyedness), he just didn't find her _attractive_. Come to think of it, he didn't find all that many girls attractive.

_I'm married to basketball, _Kagami's inner monologue stated. _I'm just too focused on THE GAME to be looking for a girlfriend right now, right?_ He looked around the restaurant, spotting several girls his age._ If I wanted to get a girlfriend I totally could._

"…Uh, I'll have 2 large cokes and… um, 25 quarter pounders"

He saw the cashier's eyes widen. _She must be new here_, he smirked.

"Ah, is that all?" she asked.

"One vanilla milkshake, kudasai."

Kagami gave a loud yelp and whirled around to see Kuroko Tetsuya standing directly behind him.

"KUROKO FOR FUCK'S SAKE," Kagami bellowed, "can you NOT? You're gonna give me heart failure."

"Semimasen", said Kuroko, "I've been right behind you for ages, I thought you knew."

"…WHAT? When I was walking down the street?"

"Hai. And when you almost got run over."

Kagami started to speak, and then restrained himself. No point arguing with him, _he's never gonna change_, thought Kagami._ Although I really don't feel like talking to him right now. He just reminds me of basketball, and then I get depressed._

"…whatever", sighed Kagami, "I'm so not in the mood for this right now. Fuck off. Also, I'm not paying for your goddamn milkshake"

"Language, Kagami-kun", stated Kuroko, "no wonder you don't have a girlfriend."

Kagami picked up his tray of burgers, and his shorter counterpart collected his milkshake. They walked over to the table by the window and sat down.

"Shut up," Kagami muttered. "I could get any girl I wanted."

"Of course", Kuroko murmured, sucking on his milkshake straw, making an obnoxious gurgling sound.

"Can you stop that?", said Kagami. _Oh man he's being more irritating than ever._ "It's putting me off my food."

Kuroko stopped.

The two boys sat together in silence for several minutes. It wasn't exactly awkward, but something about Kuroko's body language was making Kagami very uncomfortable. He kept_ licking_ his straw and humming quietly. He had his large, opaque eyes fixed on Kagami's the entire time, rarely blinking, and Kagami didn't know where else too look. After his seventh burger Kagami locked eyes with Kuroko.

"_What?_"

"Nothing." Kuroko shrugged

"Why are you looking at me like that?"

"Like what?"

"…I dunno. Like you_ want_ something", Kagami looked away, slightly embarrassed, realising how that sounded.

Kuroko paused took another sip of milkshake, then grinned. "Maybe I do."

Kagami began to feel nervous. What could Kuroko possibly want from him? A small, repressed part of his mind whispered: '…_sex. This is definitely something to do with sex. I always knew you were queer, Taiga' ._ Kagami shuddered. _No,_ _don't be stupid. He's your friend. Your weird, annoying, presence-less counterpart Kuroko Tetsuya. He's not gay. He has a girlfriend. Don't be so perverted. _

Nonetheless, Kagami's palms had become clammy.

"…and, uh," gulped Kagami, "…what do you want?"

"Erm, Kagami-kun, are you okay?", said kuroko, cocking his head "you're sweating."

"I'm fine", said Kagami, curtly. _Of course it wasn't sexual you idiot, now he just thinks you're a freak._

"Well, do you know what day it is tomorrow?"

Kagami shook his head.

Kuroko sighed, "BAKAgami, tomorrow's January 31st. My birthday."

Kagami raised an eyebrow, 'Well, uh. Happy birthday for tomorrow, I guess." _That's weird, why would he say something like that? _

"Thanks… Actually, I'm having a party. I was wondering whether you'd like to come."

Kagami's eyes widened in surprise. He'd never even been to Kuroko's house, let alone consider that they were good enough friends to go to each other's birthday parties. Should he go? He hadn't been to any parties since he'd come to Japan, back in the US he didn't have many friends - so he'd only been to a few, but they were all the same. Alcohol, pizza, weed and bad hip-hop. A few people engaged in kissing and stuff, but Kagami never did any of that. _Who knows,_ he thought to himself, _maybe I could take my mind off basketball and actually meet some people?_ He heard himself think it, but he knew it was only half-hearted. He hated meeting people.

Kagami looked at Kuroko suspiciously, "uh …sure, I'll come."

After a pause he said "I don't have to bring a present do I?"

Kuroko smiled, "no, of course not. Just bring your best behaviour"

The shorter boy stood up and threw his empty cup at the trash can. It missed. Kagami internally cringed. Kuroko yawned and lent over the table, bringing his face close to Kagami's. Kagami froze.

Kuroko leaned in to the redhead's ear.

"Be at mine tomorrow, 7:30."

He grinned, noticing how Kagami's breath hitched in his throat when their faces were close together.

"…Daiki will be there."

Kagami's eyes widened, and Kuroko leaned back, his face impossible to read. "So no funny business".

Kagami started to open his mouth to ask the bluenette what he could _possibly_ mean by that.

But Kuroko had vanished

Kagami was left alone with only a half-eaten pile of hamburgers, watching the fresh snow settling on the windowpane next to his blushing face.


	2. Chapter 2

Kagami stood in front of his bathroom mirror, staring at his shirtless reflection.

Right now, he regretted accepting Kuroko's invitation. Kagami had no idea what to wear. He had no idea what to bring. He had no idea what to _expect._

_What _kind_ of a party is it?_ Kagami thought to himself, as he took a fingerful of styling wax and rubbed it awkwardly into his hair, carefully pulling the ends of his bangs into straight, sharp points. _I mean, that idiot Kuroko didn't give me any details. It could be a fucking orgy for all I know._

_Orgy._

Suddenly images of a bashful and sweaty Kuroko, breathless on the floor, intertwined with the tanned, muscled, _unmistakable_ figure of Aomine Daiki moaning in pleasure burst into Kagami's head.

_NO, Taiga. NO._

He slapped his cheeks and leaned over the marbled basin, splashing his face with water.

T_hat's gross. Their both guys. Straight guys._

"I'm straight too, GODDAMNIT" Kagami yelled, bringing a clenched fist down on the faucet. It sputtered, then stopped running.

_Oh for fuck's sake_.

_(fuck)_

[_in Kagami's head] _

_Aomine: "I'm gonna fuck you till you scream my name, Bakagami."_

Kagami felt the pit of his stomach grow warm, and a familiar sensation of heightened sensitivity begin to creep down towards his nether regions. He gasped and closed his eyes. _Calm, Kagami. Teenage boys always get random boners. It just so happened that you were visualising Aomine in a sexual situation at the same time you happened to get hard. This doesn't mean you're attracted to him at all. _

_Because, obviously you aren't gay. Especially not for him._

The red head opened his eyes, and his reflection stared back at him. His cheeks were flushed, his torso still dripping from the shower. He looked under his towel. Kagami sighed: at least he was only half-hard. He carefully removed his towel and laid it over the rail behind the bath, turning on the cold tap as he lent back. Splashing icy water on his member, he winced slightly, and looked back in the mirror.

_God, I look at myself a lot_, he mused …_and with good reason, _Kagami smirked, laughing to himself.

_Since when did I have an eight-pack?_ he wondered, poking his lower belly. He turned off the tap and stretched backwards, admiring his muscles as he flexed. Tensing a bicep, he nodded in approval at his reflection. At least Riko's training was paying off.

Yawning, Kagami padded out of the bathroom, and flicked the lights off. Passing the threshold into his bedroom, he nearly tripped over a pile of basketball monthly magazines and swore. He glanced at his unmade bed. _Beds mean sex_, went his inner monologue. Suddenly thoughts of creaking springs and slicked fingers appeared in his mind.

_As if anyone would want to have sex on that messy pile of shit_, Kagami thought.

_[in Kagami's head]_

_Aomine (whispering): "I don't mind. I prefer it _dirty_"_

"Err…", Kagami pushed the thought far away, still far too conscious of a tingling feeling in his lower half.

"Now what the FUCK am I supposed to wear?"

After much deliberation, he chose a pair of jeans (very uncomfortable), a white tee with some kind of English slogan printed on it ('Basketball Never Stops' **author's note: this is a legitimate Nike tee. In fact, I own one**) and, of course, his red and black sneakers. He didn't have any other shoes.

Kagami exited his apartment, grabbing his wallet and taking care to lock the door behind him. He felt slightly nauseous.

_Too casual? _He wondered as he pulled on his coat and stepped out onto the icy street. _Whatever. Not like I'm trying to impress anyone._

Although, a small part of him knew that wasn't true.


End file.
